Sex After Menopause: Women Over 50 Tell All

Menopause can result in numerous psychological, bodily and emotional adjustments — together with some shifts in your intercourse life.

Clinically talking, menopause is reached once you’ve gone 12 straight months with no interval, marking the tip of 1’s reproductive years. The typical age of the final menstrual interval is 51, in line with the American Faculty of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.

However the transitional section main as much as menopause, often known as perimenopause, sometimes lasts about four years — although it may be as short as a few months or as long as 10 years. Colloquially, nevertheless, many use the phrase “menopause” as an umbrella term to embody the entire course of.

Throughout perimenopause, which often begins in your mid 40s, ranges of hormones like estrogen and progesterone fluctuate. This may result in irregular durations, scorching flashes, insomnia, mind fog, temper swings, vaginal dryness and low libido — all of which may impression one’s intercourse life instantly or not directly. It’s price noting that, for some people, signs could also be intense and last a while, and for others they may be more mild and fleeting.

And though sure signs like hot flashes tend to dissipate over time, others like vaginal dryness often persist and may even worsen.

The lack of estrogen throughout menopause could cause the vaginal and vulvar tissue to turn into thinner, dryer and fewer stretchy, which may result in ache throughout sexual exercise, Dr. Stephanie Faubion, director of the Mayo Clinic Middle for Girls’s Well being and medical director of The Menopause Society, instructed HuffPost.

And whereas there’s numerous dialogue in regards to the challenges of intercourse after menopause, it could be comforting to know that it’s positively not all doom and gloom.

“The excellent news is that almost all ladies who had intercourse life earlier than menopause can proceed to get pleasure from intercourse life after menopause,” Faubion mentioned.

The truth is, it’s a fable that girls cease being sexual as soon as menopause hits, midlife intercourse coach Sonia Wright instructed HuffPost.

Menopause “can really be the start of one thing superb; even higher than intercourse in your 20s and 30s,” she mentioned. “You get to be a sexual being till the day you allow this world. Postmenopausal intercourse might be much more intimate, connective, pleasurable and really satisfying.”

If you’re struggling along with your sexual well-being round menopause, attain out to your well being care supplier to debate causes and potential remedy choices tailor-made to your wants. Vaginal lubricants and moisturizers, sex therapy, hormone therapy, and life-style adjustments like incorporating yoga could assist.

Under, ladies share their private experiences with intercourse after menopause. Notice: Some final names have been omitted to guard their privateness. Responses have been evenly edited for readability and size.

“I used to be round 52 when menopause signs began, and it’s now been shut to 2 years postmenopause. When my month-to-month cycle began to turn into irregular, I spotted menopause was starting. I did a little bit of studying on what to anticipate, and two of the doable points I got here throughout had been lack or lack of intercourse drive and vaginal dryness. The worst symptom for me was scorching flashes, and I used to be lucky that I didn’t want any hormone substitute remedy.

I’ve all the time had a comparatively excessive intercourse drive and intercourse is essential to me, whether or not in a relationship or not. My intercourse drive has remained excessive, and I get pleasure from a wholesome and secure intercourse life regardless that I’m single. Regardless that being pregnant is now not a difficulty, I all the time use condoms and get examined for STIs yearly. I’ve had no points concerning vaginal dryness and don’t want any lubricant for vaginal intercourse.

For me, the one factor that modified was understanding what I would like from a sexual relationship, and what I’ll and received’t tolerate. Life is simply too brief for unhealthy intercourse!

What has stunned me is that I discover myself drawn to males who’re youthful than me. I had all the time dated older. All of my sexual encounters since menopause and turning into single are with youthful males ranging in age from 39-50 years of age.” — Kim P., 56, Queensland, Australia

“I believe I used to be round 55 after I began going by way of menopause. I observed I wasn’t actually thinking about intercourse, however I wasn’t positive if it was my circumstances — I used to be in the course of a divorce — or ‘The Pause.’ After my yearly gynecologist go to, the place my physician instructed me about vaginal atrophy and some different midlife points that may come up, I simply gave up on intercourse.

However at age 65, I briefly dated a gentleman who made me understand I used to be nonetheless a horny, important, vibrant girl. Intercourse was enjoyable once more! So I’m undecided if it was menopause that made me ‘suppose’ I now not was thinking about intercourse/intimacy, or if it was my thoughts and society. Regardless of the case, I’m prepared for courting and this subsequent new chapter. Carry it on!” — Brenda B., 67, New York Metropolis

“I’ve been postmenopausal for a few years at the least. Now I’m having the perfect intercourse of my life. It’s largely as a consequence of the truth that I do know precisely what I would like. And I really feel entitled to say, ‘That is what I would like. And that is how I would like it.’ And to additionally say, ‘No, that’s not what I would like’ — even when it’s fairly minor. I simply know what I would like, and I understand how to ask for it and to be demanding in a great way.

I had really only a few menopausal challenges, though I began acupuncture early. I’ve achieved common acupuncture for most likely 20 years now. And my acupuncturist’s purpose from the start was like, ‘Let’s maintain your cycle as common as we presumably can for so long as we presumably can.’ And I believe that was massively useful to me: having her assist and having her deal with my hormones, to maintain them moving into the precise manner. In order that’s what I like to recommend — not essentially acupuncture — however don’t attempt to undergo menopause solo. Get assist, no matter assist you will discover, that may be just right for you.

As a intercourse coach, I’m an enormous proponent of masturbation. As a result of that manner, you recognize your complete physique and that actually empowers you then to say, ‘That is what actually works for me.’ There’s a high quality of ‘use it or lose it.’ So if you happen to’re not in a partnership, and also you’re not having common intercourse and also you’re not masturbating, you’re simply not ‘juicing your circulation,’ mainly.

Discover the vibrators that be just right for you. There are such a lot of obtainable proper now: vibrators, dildos, combos. I encourage my purchasers to do “The O 30”: Masturbate 30 days straight, and see what you study and see what adjustments in your life.” — Dori Melton, 58, Oakland, California

“I didn’t have expectations about how intercourse can be after menopause. I had by no means heard that it’d change as a consequence of menopause. I believe that was optimistic in that I didn’t internalize stereotypes about inevitable libido adjustments. My libido really surged at menopause. But it surely was additionally adverse in that I had not heard about frequent postmenopausal bodily signs akin to thinning of vulvar and vaginal tissues, also known as a sensation of dryness.

So after I started to expertise ache with penetration after menopause, my ignorance resulted in a longer-than-necessary time to analysis and remedy after making an attempt numerous kinds of lube that didn’t deal with the underlying concern. I got here to study that this situation (urogenital atrophy) is quite common postmenopause and normally simply handled, however it’s under-diagnosed and under-treated. Typically appreciable self-advocacy is required. In my case, insertable vaginal estrogen successfully resolved my signs and has prevented recurrence of signs with ongoing use.

Except for the non permanent bodily signs I skilled, intercourse after menopause has principally been nearly as good and infrequently higher than intercourse previous to menopause. Causes for this probably embrace elevated sexual confidence; better expertise with intercourse, relationships and communication; a constant normal of mutual want and enthusiasm; some exploration with a wide range of fascinating companions; and elevated privateness as my youngsters have turn into adults.

In my expertise, typically talking, alternative in intercourse accomplice(s) could make an amazing distinction in how a girl would possibly expertise intercourse. That is true in any stage of life, although there are some levels and circumstances I consider are notably fragile, akin to early sexual experiences, intercourse post-childbirth, intercourse approaching menopause when hormones are erratic, intercourse postmenopause, and intercourse throughout sick well being or whereas processing grief.

I used to be partnered as I used to be approaching menopause, and the sexual dynamic turned all about my then-partner’s wants and fears. Had we nonetheless been collectively and centered on his wants postmenopause after I skilled ache with penetrative intercourse, I believe I would’ve actually struggled with the quantity of self-advocacy required to get a analysis and remedy. As a substitute of getting to deal with advocating to satisfy another person’s wants, I used to be motivated to take care of the pleasurable intercourse life I’d cultivated for myself.” — Jackie, 54, California