A couple of 12 months in the past, Isabel Steckel texted her 30-year-old older brother about hanging out the next afternoon. She acquired a one-word reply: “Certain.”
“For those who’re bringing ‘positive’ perspective, then let’s not do it,” Steckel countered. “And he mentioned, ‘lol,’ and I mentioned, ‘I’m not kidding, lol.’”
This Could, the New York Metropolis-based comic shared a screenshot of this dialog on X, previously Twitter, and acquired greater than 11,000 likes. The “positive” haters rose as much as share how answering “positive” sounds passive and dispiriting. A “positive” texter apologized in a reply for the violence he had “inflicted whereas attempting to seem straightforward and breezy.”
That is solely the most recent entry in a perennial and repeatedly divisive debate over what “positive” actually means. One Reddit person within the subreddit for “unpopular opinions” declared that the phrase “positive” is “synonymous with ‘sure’ and shouldn’t be related to sarcasm and perspective,” whereas a commentator for the Define wrote in 2018 that the phrase is “essentially the most passive-aggressive affirmative phrase” that’s “a thumbs as much as your face, and a jerkoff movement behind your again.”
Clearly, we’re not positive about what “positive” ought to imply.
Though the dictionary that means of “positive” is affirmation and certainty, its that means could be something however sure however in a textual content dialog.
Why “positive” sounds so passive and indecisive in texts, based on a sociolinguist
Steckel mentioned the phrase’s that means is context dependent. She famous that replying “positive” for an errand or activity is okay, however it sounds extra devastating to listen to when you’re inviting somebody to spend time with you.
“Asking somebody to hang around for me is sort of a very susceptible transfer. So once I’m getting that ‘positive,’ I’m like, ‘Alright, fuck it. I’m not doing it,’” she mentioned.
Steckel mentioned a “positive” reply seems like the opposite particular person would somewhat “die than hang around” and “forcing somebody to hang around with you is the worst feeling on the planet.”
The issue with “positive” is that it sounds extra tentative and fewer enthusiastic than an outright “sure!” or “completely,” particularly while you don’t have physique language or vocal cues to reassure you.
“Certain is form of indecisive, or has sort of a hesitant high quality to it. Like, ‘Do wish to go to the films?’ ‘Certain.’ Do you actually wish to go?” defined Georgetown College sociolinguist Cynthia Gordon.
Gordon mentioned the completely different meanings of “positive” may also be generational. “The youthful era expects extra enthusiasm in texting usually than older of us do,” she mentioned. She additionally famous that “ladies are likely to count on extra of these express markers of enthusiasm.”
In a textual content, the size of a message may also tackle outsized significance within the absence of in-person cues. Just like why a one-word “OK” or “okay” reply sounds so alarming and curt to obtain, shorter solutions suggest lesser effort.
In the meantime, Gordon mentioned that the hassle to jot down a full sentence or to jot down some additional exclamation factors suggests, “Yeah, I actually am obsessed with this.”
It’s why a one-word “positive” stirs doubt, however “positive factor” ― my very own commonplace reply ― can sound barely extra real, in case you are actually right down to comply with via on a request.
One useful tip in the event you do get a bland “positive” is to take a step again and do not forget that it’s not robotically an indication of disinterest. Gordon mentioned each particular person thinks their very own means of communication is the pure means and “all of us must be extra beneficiant in our interpretations.”
Gordon cited the “Key & Peele” sketch between comedians Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele as a basic instance of this. Within the video, “there’s an entire miscommunication simply because one particular person misinterprets the opposite’s sort of quick, informal messages as being like, ‘I don’t care, I don’t care.’ However that’s not what’s occurring,” Gordon defined.
Within the sketch, it’s not till the anxious good friend character sees his smiling buddy’s face on the bar that he realizes that his good friend truly needed to hang around with him. It’s a reminder that in-person intonation can present extra beneficial details about the state of your relationship than only a one-word “positive” textual content.
However till you meet up in-person, it doesn’t damage to provide your dialog associate slightly extra reassurance.
“I’d be much less joyful if I invited somebody someplace and so they mentioned, ‘Certain.’ I feel I’d need extra enthusiasm for some social sort of engagement,” Gordon mentioned. “For those who’re making the hassle to attach with someone, and sort of put it on the market that you simply do one thing collectively and the opposite particular person says, ‘positive,’ it wouldn’t meet my expectations for suggesting it was going to be a great time.“
Padding your “positive” with a cheerful exclamation and even an additional phrase or two could make it clearer that you’re actually agreeable to what the opposite particular person is saying. “I do suppose a ‘positive’ with an exclamation level is worlds completely different than only a regular ‘positive,’” Steckel mentioned.
All to say: You could be “positive,” otherwise you could be “positive!” Do you wish to probably ship your good friend or member of the family into an anxious spiral or do you wish to spend one extra second including that bubbly exclamation level or additional phrase?
